Living In Memory
by KerrieLouu
Summary: Even thought 16 years have passed since Lily's death Severus can't help but remember it like it was yesterday. Living in the dark clutches of Voldemort's heirachy, the pensive is the only way he can relive his cherished memories with his beloved Lily.


The petals moved gently in her tiny ivory hands, her sister Petunia watched in a mixture of jealousy and awe. But Petunia wasn't the only one watching Lily, his timid black eyes poked through the gap in the hedge. He had been watching her for days now, she was like him. He watched her silently his little balck eyes longing to go and play with her and show her what talent he too posessed.

'Lily, LILY! Look it's that Snape boy, he's spying on us!' Whined Petunia, she was stood behind Snape looking down on him as he was crouched behind the gorse bush. Her face full of distaste.

Lily's head snapped up when she heard her sister calling and she walked over calmply towards her sister and the spy. He was lanky for his age and his clothes hung loosely from his frame, his hair was long and stringy and stuck to his face. His black eyes looked at Lily with a sense of shame but at the same time happiness, his sickly pale cheeks had flecks of colour to them, he was blushing.

'Why are you spying on us?' Asked Lily calmly.

'I – I wasn't spying!' He panicked, flailing his arms.

'I was just obseving you, you have a tallent. Your like me!' He smiled hopefully.

'What do you mean I'm like y-' began lily

'Like YOU? Lily is nothing like _you_!' Shrilled Petunia

'What is that supposed to mean?' argued Severus

'It means that she isn't a snivelly little spy!' petunia said spitefully.

This hurt Severus, although he did not let it show. He rolled up the sleeves on his smock, it was far too big for him. Petunia noticed this and used it to spite him.

'Look! He hasn't even got clothes that_ fit _ properly!' She giggled.

'Petunia, don't be so mean, let me talk!' Lily Interrupted.

'Now what did you mean when you said 'your like me'?' She inquired.

'What I meant was you can do _magic _, you seem to be pretty good at it too for someone of our age!' Said Severus excitedly

'Magic?' Gasped Lily

'Your Pulling my leg, theres no such thing as magic.' She finished bluntly.

'Well, if theres no such thing as magic how do you explain what you were doing with that flower, and the other day when you jumped off of that swing and looked as if you were flying?' Blurted Severus.

'So you _have_ been spying on me then? ' Said Lily

'and as for the flower that's just something I have been able to do for ages I can't explain how or what it is, I just _do_ it?' She said this as if she had never spoken these words before.

'Well it definitely sounds like magic to me, see I can do magic too, my mum's a witch!' Severus was wispering as if he didn't want anybody to hear this but Lily. Petunia had walked off to play in the park as their convesation had bored her. He beckoned Lily to come closer with his hand, he plucked a sycamore seed and placed it in his palm. He focused on it for a while and suddenly it began to fly like a butterfly. Lily looked amazed.

'So – so your mum's a witch? Really?' She said in awe.

'Yeah and so are you! I'm a wizard! Have you ever heard of Hogwarts?' Said Severus.

'No, what is Hogwarts?' Asked Lily

'It's a school where witches and wizards like you and me go to improve our magic and even learn new magic. They sort you into four houses Ravenclaw, Gryffindor, Hufflepuff and Slytherin. That's the best one! My mum was in slytherin. So anyway you live there and get to learn magic and you get your own wand and everything!' Severus said this with such enthusiasm that it brought a smile to Lily's inquisitive frown.

'Oh my-' Breathed Lily

'that sounds amazing, do you think I'm good enough to be let in?'

'You seem to show a lot of tallent, and your only young I think you'd be great!' Said severus encouragingly.

'LILY LI-LY! It's time to go home it's nearly dark!' Rang Petunias shrill voice from the park.

'Well bye, Severus maybe you can tell me more about Hogwarts some other time?'

'Ok how about tomorrow?' He asked eagerly.

'Ok, I'll meet you here tomorrrow!' She said

And she ran back to her sister in the park and they walked the short distance back to their house.

Severus watched them longingly, he really liked Lily and wanted to be her friend, mybe he would make a good impression tomorrow. He walked slowly back to his little house in spinners end, he hated going home it was full of arguments and shouting, but he now had something happy to think about.

'I'm home!' He yelled, there was no reply. He could hear shouting coming form the living room, they were arguing again. He hurried up to his room and sat in the corner and hugged his knees. The Memory grew misty and faded, severus was being drawn out of the memory returning back to the reality, rhe cond dark reality in which he now lived without Lily Evans – he would Never know her as Lily Potter, she would always be Lily Evans to him – the woman he had loved, always.

Severus Lifted his head from the pensive, he had tears rolling form his eyes, he hated seeing himself in these memories but it was the only way he could see Lily again. The only way he could remember her voice and the times they had spent together when she still regarded him as a friend, he missed those days, if only she knew. He rubbed his eyes tiredly wiping away his tears and walked to his bedroom. With a lazy wave of his wand he extinguished the paraffin lamp, and settled to go to sleep.

CHAPTER 2

He entered the house James Potter's body was lying in the hallway he had obviously put up a fight - in vain of course-. Foolish man, he could hear the baby crying. He knew who had been here. What had been done. The child was screaming, he followed the source of this noise to a nursery room and then he saw her. Her beautiful face peaceful in death. She was lain on the floor, her baby boy crying and looking anxiously at his mother expecting her to pop up and it all to be a game. Severus took this all in, he ran over to Lily and pulled her body up off the floor and cradled it in his arms. He yelled out at the top of his lungs 'NO'. The tears began to fall, there was no stopping them.

He looked down at the woman whom he had always loved, her eyes glazed. he hugged her close against his chest and kissed her on the forehead. He momentarily glanced up to the child, Dumbledore was right. He had Lily's eyes.

'Goodbye, Lily. I love you.' He whispered softly, he bit his lip to keep him form crying.

Severus awoke with a start, he looked at the clock on the wall. It was twenty-past four in the morning. There was no point in returning to sleep. He would only dream again, dream the same dream he had seen for the past 16 years. Ever since Lily's death.

He was tempted to go and look back in the pensive, but this would only cause him more pain.

The Dark Lord was ever powerful now, he had appointed Severus headmaster Via Pius Thicknesse whom was under the imperious curse. In some ways Severus was glad to be headmaster, a job he had only dreamed of but also he could use the pensive, to relive his most treasured memories and escape the bleak and dark ones that haunted him.

He often thought of Harry, and how he could even dream of defeating the Dark Lord. He pitied Harry in a way, remembering what he had said to Dumbledore 'So he is like a pig for slaughter?'

He hoped that was not the case, however much he resented harry he could not help but care for him for in a way he was still a piece of Lily's flesh and blood. Every time he had to look at the boy he had to look into Lily's eyes on Jams Potters face. This was most likely the source of the resentment towards the boy. His father.

He glanced at the clock again, awakening form his train of thought. It was five o' clock in the morning, the sun was just breaking the bleakness of the horizon, the sleepy mountains silhouetted by the light, it was beautiful. Severus looked at this, he felt hope something he had not felt in a while. But then like many other things at the time, it died.


End file.
